Broccoli Tailgate Salad

In honor of my first tailgate of the season, and the farmers market fresh produce coming on strong, i present you with the easiest and probably most delicious item you can bring to a football party (excluding cheap beer – but that’s not clean)

Broccoli Tailgate Salad:

2-3 heads of fresh broccoli
1 lb unadulterated bacon
Salt and Pepper
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup slivered almonds or sunflower seeds
1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1 tbsp coconut oil

Get ready for the easiest / least dish intensive mealprep ever!

Start frying all your bacon in a skillet (more experienced twentysomethings may prefer to use oven – 350f for 25 minutes – save your drippings!)

Grab your kitchen scissors and start snipping the broccoli into little florets right into the bowl you plan to store it all in.

Grab your raisins and either toss them in or you can snip them in half like I did.

Throw in the almonds.

As your bacon finishes cooking, set to the side to cool a bit and the either crumble or snip into slivers ontop of the broc-nut-raisin medley.

Once all the bacon is cooked, turn off the stove and drop the coconut oil in the skillet to melt.

Dump the medley in the skillet and stir around so the broccoli starts sopping up the bacon fat and oil (but don’t let it get too cooked).

Pour the balsamic and apple cider vinegar in the skillet and continue stirring (don’t let it cook too much!)

Taste it.

Grind/sprinkle as much salt and pepper as you think it needs for taste (it shouldn’t be much)

And then just scoop or dump it all right back into that Tupperware bowl to tote along to the parking lot/back yard/living room where the pre-gaming occurs.

Miss Piggy Fingers and Kermit Fries (2 servings @ 255 cal/ea)

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Miss Piggy Fingers and Kermit Fries (3 servings @ 255 cal/ea)

½ lb lean pork tender loin
1 slice unadultered bacon
2 zucchini
1 egg
2 tbsp paprika
¼ cup almond meal/flour

Preheat oven to 350F.

Cut ends off zucchini, cut into two chunks, then slice into zucchini strips.

Beat egg in a bowl and dip zucchini strips and then into almond meal.

Lay on a piece of parchment paper ontop of a cookie sheet.

Bake for 25 minutes.

While Kermit fries bake, slice tenderloin into 2-3 cm thick slices.

Mix the rest of the almond meal with paprika (any spice you desire, actually) and bread the Miss Piggy.

Render fat from bacon in a frying pan, and either eat it immediately after cooking, or chop it up and sprinkle on top of Miss Piggy Fingers during packaging.

“Fry” the Piggy strips in the bacon fat and set aside to cool while Kermit fries finish.

Let cool, and then package up for freezing!

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Homicide Buns (3 rolls @ 280/cal ea)

You’re about to die and go to heaven B*tch. Paleo. Bacon. Cinnamon. Roll. Those are the four words that describe the Homicide Bun. Originally going to be named “Bacon Cinnamon Buns” – I had one bite and immediately was inclined to select the more violent but also more provocative title “Homicide Bun” because I thought I had killed myself in a moment of ecstasy, and ended up in heaven. A minute or so later, I realized I was in my kitchen, and still had at least 8 bites of this amazing piece of paleo left… and died all over again.

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Bacon Sweet Potato Cinnamon Bun (3 serving @ 295 cal/ea)

1 sweet potato
1 egg
3 slices bacon
1 tsp coconut oil
tsp salt
1 tbsp baking powder
¾ cup almond flour
1 tbsp coconut flour
4 tbsp cinnamon
4 tbsp stevia
2 tbsp pumpkin spice

(WARNING: Dough is equally as delectable)

Preheat oven to 375F.

Bake sweet potato (poke with fork, microwave 4 minutes, turn 4 minutes) and scoop flesh into bowl with egg and melted coconut oil.

Mix almond and coconut flour with baking powder, salt, stevia (or 2 tbsp honey) and pumpkin spice.

Combine dry ingredients with wet ingredients and dump onto a piece of wax paper.

Cover with another piece of wax paper and smoosh into a rectangle about 1/3 inch thick.

Remove top wax paper slowly (the dough is sticky) and sprinkle cinnamon evenly over entire surface.

Layer bacon side by side with some space in between on half of the rectangle (will fold the other half over).

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Fold in half so that un-baconed surface is sandwiching the bacon in the middle of two dough folds. Slowly peel wax paper back.

Roll using the wax paper like a bamboo sushi roller – push, peel back more, push, peel back more, etc.

Slice into three (aiming for between bacon), place in a baking dish/pan and bake for 25-30 minutes.

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Drizzle with pure maple syrup and chopped walnuts, or GF/DF glaze and feel your heart melt as you sink your teeth into this Pilsbury-punching knock-out paleo bakedgood.

Bacon Egg CheesyAvo Mash Breakfast Sandwich on Paleo English Muff (1 sandwhich @ 490 cal/ea)

Breakfast sandwiches fall into the most phenomenal food category (breakfast food) but are slapped together on a roll… normally not considered a paleo practice… until this lovely blog introduced the EASIEST paleo English muffin recipe. Very twentysomething. Very paleo. Very breakfast.

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Bacon Egg Breakfast with CheesyAvoMash on a Paleo English Muff (1 sandwich @ 490 cal/ea):

THE MUFF… Mix the following ingredients in the following order:
1/3 cup almond flour + 1 tbsp coconut flour + ¼ tsp salt + ¼ tsp baking soda + 1 egg + 3 tbsp water

Microwave 2 minutes (add 30 seconds if raw on top after 2 minutes)
Let cool, slice, and wait for further instruction.

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THE CHEESY AVOCADO MASH… Mash the following ingredients in the following order:
¼ avocado + 1 tbsp nutritional yeast + ¼ tsp Himalayan Salt + ¼ tsp garlic powder

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THE BACON EGG AND SANDWICH…

Step 1: Fry one or two eggs in non-stick skillet. (Over easy if you have a soul). Set to the side.
Step 2: Fry bacon in same skillet – to save water and the rainforest. Set bacon to the side.
Step 3: Slather CheesyAvoMash on one side of each Paleo English Muff.
Step 4: Place one half of muff, unslathered side down, in the bacon greasy skillet.
Step 5: Place bacon and eggs on top of muff-in-greasy-pan.
Step 6: Place second half of muff, slathered side down, on top of breakfast stack.
Step 7: Flip after side one is nice and crispy like a grilled cheese.

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BOOM! I don’t know a single twentysomething who doesn’t love a nice grilled sandwich and I for one, could not deprive another Paleo twentysomethings of a bangin breakfast recipe OR a grilled sandwich. That would be cruel. Now go forth and take on the weekend like a boss, and if all fails, know you had a great paleo breakfast!

Bacon Wrapped Roasted Potatoes with Paleo Ranch Dip (1 serving @ 250 calories)

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To celebrate the last weigh-in of Kickboxing 90 day fitness challenge, I’m going all out and indulging in the most delectably paleo but NOT calorie conscious dinner I can… and I’m going to sit on my couch in sweat pants, watch Diners Drive-ins and Dives and eat it while thanking God that I live alone and no one can bear witness to the finger licking monstrosity.

Bacon Wrapped Roasted Potatoes with Ranch Dipping Sauce: (1 serving @ 250 cal/ea)

1 medium potato
3 slices of bacon (cut in half to make 18)
1 tsp dill
1 tsp garlic powder
¼ cup almond milk
3 tbsp Paleo Ranch Dressing

Preheat oven to 425F.

Cut potato into 15 chunks and cut bacon 5 per slice.

Wrap those carboliscious bad-boys up in some piggy fat bacon and place on cookie sheet.

Bake 20-25 minutes.

Mix almond milk, ranch dressing, dill and garlic.

Eat. Your. Heart. Out.

And we’re STILL freaking paleo! Success tastes SO good.

Grilled BLT Meat Sauce and Spaghetti Squash (4 servings @ 225 cal/ea)

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It happened again… this recipe made me want to sing the Alleluia chorus at the top of my lungs. What could make delicious meat protein-packed excess-sodium-free sauce better? Bacon – duh. I can’t wait to eat this at lunch and feel the Alleluia chorus shiver all over again.

Grilled BLT Meat Sauce and Spaghetti Squash: (4 servings @ 225 cal/ea.)

3 tomatoes
1 green bell pepper
2 green chilis
1 ½ cup paleo tomato sauce
2 small Spanish onions, chopped
3 strips unadultered bacon
1 lb ground turkey
1 spaghetti squash
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp black pepper

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Place Tomatoes and cleaned/de seeded green chili peppers on a cookie sheet, and sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Put the tray in the oven (it HAS to be preheated – so be patient) and cook for 15 minutes (until the tops of the veggies start burning.

Turn the tomatoes and pepper over and put back in for another 15 minutes.

Remove and set to the side.

In an large skillet, (or save yourself some dishes and just use a large sauce pan) fry bacon until crispy and set to the side.

Sautee the chopped onion, green bell pepper and garlic in bacon fat until onion is soft and clear.

Add ground turkey to the pot and stir around until cooked and browned.

Chop the tomatoes and pepper as finely as possible but don’t lose the juice, and add to the pot with crumbled bacon.

Bring to a simmer and stir frequently for about 10 minutes.

Reduce heat and let simmer for 10-20 minutes.

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Cook Spaghetti Squash. (Microwave: cut squash in half, remove seeds, place in microwave safe bowl, fill each half with 1/3 cup water, cover with wax paper. Microwave on high 4 min, turn, high for 4 minutes, turn, high for four minutes (check – is it soft yet?), turn, high for four minutes, etc.

Scoop spaghetti squash into a bowl with fork (the make-it-spaghetti technique).

Normally, I like to give my spaghetti squash an extra-italian kick so I mix in one tsp of each of the following: onion powder, garlic powder, oregano, basil, salt OR 3 tbsp of pre-mixed Italian seasoning – but this BLT sauce is SO good it doesn’t need it.

Let cool, and then package up for freezing!

Blood Orange Jammed Bacon-Chicken Bundle Salad Enhancer (6 servings @ 195 cal/ea)

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Prepare yourself for the crème-de-la-crème of chicken that sits upon a salad. If there was a most-interesting-salad-enhancer-in-the-world, it wouldn’t always involve bacon, but when it does, it invites blood orange jam in on the action.

Blood Orange Jammed Bacon-Chicken Bundle Salad-Enhancer
6 servings @ 195 cal/ea – 50 min

3 blood oranges
2 tbsp honey
1 tbsp lemon juice
3 bacon strips (un-adultured please)
1 lb chicken breast

Preheat oven to 350F.

Start to heat bacon in a pan, NOT enough to be fully cooked, just enough to render some fat but still soft and no-where near crunchy enough to tempt you, remove the bacon but keep the grease.

Food process/Blend 2 blood oranges (cut rind off), honey and lemon until a chunky liquid.

Pour into bacon grease and let simmer 10 minutes. (some GOREGOUS sunset colors should be appearing before your eyes)
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Cut chicken into 6 equal pieces, place between sheets of wax paper and LIGHTLY pound with a mallet (or a normal hammer if you’re resourceful and slightly cave-man-esque when you cook paleo) until flat.

Spoon blood orange jam onto flat chicken and roll up, then wrap bacon around the chicken.
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(I needed tooth picks to hold everything in place – but if your bundles stay together on their own – I applaud your bundling skills and your bundle’s cohesiveness as well)

Place in glass baking dish or cookie sheet with tinfoil, and pour leftover jam (if you have any) over our little bundles of joy.

Bake for 40-50 minutes.

Remove and let cool.
While you package up for freezing, cut up the last blood orange and pour over individually packaged chickens with leftover jam from the baking dish (delixious dressing alternative!)
Serve with a spinach or romaine salad with some sliced up red onion – mmmmm.

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